📓 Weekly log

A week of joy

in

I almost didn’t write this roundup. Not because I was avoiding writing or procrastinating; I've actually been busy with both work and social activities. Nearly every day this week has been packed with something.

Over the past couple of months, I've been pondering how I see myself and my life. A recent conversation with Genie made me realise something new in my life: contentment. Sure, I've experienced happiness, sadness, and anger like everyone else. But I never truly savored my life. I always felt like I needed more in every aspect, never feeling satisfied or feeling like I could accomplish more.

During a coffee chat with my friend Tina, she asked me "How do you manage to do it all?" I was taken aback.

While I take pride in myself and my accomplishments, I rarely feel like they're impressive enough. There's always something more to strive for, and there's no time to rest when my days are ticking away on this earth. COVID was a turning point for many people, taking stock of what’s important in this life and choosing a path other than climbing. It wasn’t the same for me–COVID turned out to be the busiest and most hectic time in my career and my life.

It wasn't until last year that I was able to pause and reflect on my life, viewing it from an outside perspective. I realized everything I've achieved and where I truly stand in my life. It's a beautiful realisation. And like anything beautiful, it deserves to be savored, contemplated, and enjoyed.

Reading

My ventures into White Christian nationalists has been a little heavy. Honestly, I never learn my lesson; I dive headfirst into heavy topics, then wondering why I have no desire to read my books.

Instead I’ve been enjoying lighthearted stories in webcomics from South Korea.

Watching

I am actually bored of TV. Nothing is appealing to me at the moment.

Listening

Living in Sydney and learning its history, I realized I'm witnessing the real-time effects of the lockout laws. Newtown was once known for its alternative and punk venues, where any day you could catch a live show featuring a local band. Now, shows are relegated to venues with a casino corner to bypass the laws and stay open late. On Saturday, I went out to support a colleague’s show. When I mentioned the venue, The Townie, to people, I kept hearing the same response: "It's so grimy and grungy." I was excited, expecting a proper dive with the potential for a mosh pit (though I wouldn't participate, too whimpy). Instead, it was just another cookie-cutter pub with the same casino carpet, overly clean, and identical layout meant to entice people to gamble. Very unpunk.

However, the music was great. I was thrilled for show, reminiscent of The Misfits and Black Flag. I banged by head and my ears were ringing by the end. Check out ZEROZEROZERO if you’re keen.

Eating

My basil, rosemary, and thyme plants are thriving, but I haven't had the chance to use them to their fullest. The current humidity in Sydney rules out drying them. This coming week, I'll attempt a simple pesto to use up some of my abundant basil. It's become a haven for insects: praying mantises and slugs, which attract miner birds that pluck at the leaves as they attempt to get their next meal. Some sections are riddled with holes, while the rest looks picturesque. The same happened with my bird’s eye chili plants, but I couldn't figure out the cause for months. I searched the internet for plant issues and diseases, only to spot a young bird pecking away outside one day. Magpies get the bad rap here, swooping in spring, but the real troublemakers are the miner birds.

A week of nostalgia

in

I've been working on a piece about advancing in your career, one that I have been stuck rewriting endlessly. I started writing to combat my perfectionism, a habit that seemed to help me excel, but now hinders me. The fear of imperfection often holds me back from sharing my thoughts fully or taking certain actions. Ironically, I don’t expect perfection from anyone, I know it’s not possible. And yet, I expect it of myself.

Whenever I get in this mode, I get into a reflective mode. Nostalgia isn't always the best approach, but it does help me. When I was first navigating the web, I went through the realms of Geocities, Blogger and LiveJournal. I learned from strangers sharing their lives and interests. I loved having a personal space online to share freely, going through the dramas of school and figuring out my aspirations.

I want to recreate that here. A weekly look at what is going on in my life and in my brain.

Reading

Finishing Preparing for War sent me down another hyper-fixation hole. The book's portrayal of Christian nationalists reminded me of the satanic panic from my middle school days. I was navigating adolescence and wanted to hide. My wardrobe became baggy, unrevealing, clothes traditionally worn by boys. This caused quite a stir, resulting in my parents getting called into the principal's office because of the “distraction” I was causing. The distraction being visibly different, potentially a lesbian–cue the shock and horror. It didn’t matter if I had good grades or kept to myself. Being visibly outside of the norm was enough to trigger arbitrary rules–no stationary with the Care Bears (seen as the “devil”) and no stacked bracelets (a bizarre adult scare story circulated on the evening new). It's not about concern or care, nor is it about upholding Christian values; it's solely about exerting control.

Watching

I have been craving a 90s-00s romantic comedy. Something light, with a good mix of romantic moments and comedic misunderstandings. Modern romantic comedies seem more interested in capturing the essence of our current era rather than the timeless charm of romance itself. You’ve Got Mail but none of the fantastical charm. If you have any suggestions, feel free to share. I've chosen to remain within the confines of a nostalgic era instead.

I watched Only You, which had electrifying chemistry between Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr. Two delusional people coming together in a fanfiction-like plot, simply delicious. Greedy for more, I watched Miami Rhapsody solely based its poster. A witty (?) examination of the charm (??) of infidelity in marriage; it’s only redeeming quality was Sarah Jessica Parker’s wardrobe.

Listening

Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On. I bought this vinyl in Canberra, but never got a chance to try it out until the blistering weather kept me indoors this weekend. I love a concept album. Give me a narrative, some dramatic strings and I’m set.

Eating

I’m venturing into salt-preserving. Honestly, I ran out of vinegar and needed a plan for a large batch of nectarines. This summer's crop has been unbelievably sweet, tempting me to grab three or four more every time I pass the store. But like any fixation, I quickly grew bored of them and left with a fridge full of fruit. Salting brings out the sweetness of the fruit apparently, creating a striking contrast between sugar and saline. But the process requires patience from me; almost a week of fermentation, then further curing in the fridge.